At some point during our journey through social media and blogging, we encounter reciprocation opportunities that are too good to pass up, especially in the beginning when we are developing our online presence.
For example, when building a fan base for a blog, one of the common ways to do so is to go out and do some blog commenting, in hopes that the blog owner will make a comment on your site in return. Or when building Twitter followers, one easy way to get followers is to agree to follow those that follow you back. In the beginning, reciprocation is easy because you are working with a small group of readers, followers, friends, etc.
Once you generated a large readership and following, reciprocation can prove to be a bit more challenging. Even those who do nothing but manage their own blog and social media accounts find it hard to reply to all of their comments, emails, and friend requests. And if you add in those with full time jobs, family responsibilities, and other commitments, it can be downright impossible. This leaves you with two choices:
- Continue trying to acknowledge and reciprocate every incoming interaction and scale back on the time spent providing value; or
- Scale back on reciprocation in order to maintain the same amount of time focused on providing great content.
Now, let’s say that there wasn’t a time factor involved, that you are able to both maintain your blog and social media presence while also providing reciprocation. The next dilemma will come in the fact that when it comes to reciprocation, especially in the realm of social promotion, you have to consider your following before you share something. Sure, there may be a cool person who is always retweeting your posts and you would love to return the favor. But what if their posts do not align with the kind of content you want to share with your followers?
Do you go by the code of reciprocation and share it anyway, with the possible consequence of losing followers? Or do you ignore reciprocating, with the possible consequence of losing this loyal reader and promoter of your content?
From an alternative point of view, are you only doing things in expectation of reciprocation? Are you tweeting articles that you don’t even read by “major players” in hopes that they will start retweeting your articles? Are you becoming a fan of Facebook pages that you don’t care about in hopes that those page owners will become a fan of your page?
If you are doing anything because you are trying to get noticed, and not because they provide value, you are doing yourself and your followers a major disservice. You are spending way too much time seeking playing up to others instead of developing your own content and your own useful resource base to share with others. Plus, you may find yourself focusing on the negative, such as how so and so never replies to me, instead of focusing on the positive value of what you can bring to the table.
What about acknowledgment? Are you retweeting every post by someone and becoming bitter because they didn’t thank you?
Again, you have to think about value and time. If someone’s post gets hundreds of retweets, and they thank everyone of those people, they are going to have either a profile page full of thank yous or they are going to offend one person by only thanking another. Not to mention the amount of time it would take to go through and list everyone who has tweeted their post that could go towards writing another amazing post that everyone could find useful. And from personal experience, lack of acknowledgment is not because someone doesn’t care — I appreciative every retweet and comment I get. I just don’t get to say it that often.
If you are only doing things for acknowledgment, then maybe you should stop. Perhaps you should look toward receiving thank yous from your followers because you are providing them valuable information instead of links that are no value to your followers simply to reciprocate or gain acknowledgment from someone else.
This is what you should do for yourself and for your followers:
- Tweet a post that is useful to you, or that you think will be useful to your followers.
- Comment on a blog that you found intriguing.
- Bookmark a page that you want to refer to later to improve on your website.
- Help someone out just because, not because you want something in return.
When you start doing these actions, you will find that everything you do has more quality, and you will gain more followers and acknowledgment based on the value you are providing, not on whether you just got someone to notice you in return for a favor that you otherwise would not have done.
Do you do things just to get others to notice you? Do you expect some form of acknowledgment or reciprocation?
{ 37 comments }
This is one of the best hubs I’ve read…can I say though that how “giving” or “reciprocating” is perceived by the receiver (when it “feels like the other person is ‘hitting’ back” or not) is not the same for everyone. Some might see it through verbal affirmation, some through physical, some might see it through small gifts or making a house tidy or fixing something. This point is also relevant to the giver’s perception. The giver may ask “why doesn’t this person see all that I’m doing for them?” or “why does this person think I’m not giving back?” So there is the need to be synchronized too on what we feel is reciprocal and to look at why we are needing the “hitting back”. You could always just have a game of tennis by hitting balls at some stonefaced mute and enjoy the fact that they don’t hit back! Life’s like that mostly!
Twitter: kikolani
May 6, 2010 at 3:33 PM
It’s funny you should bring up tennis. One of the ways I practice is without an opponent by hitting the ball against a wall. It actually helps a lot because you stand closer, and the ball returns a lot faster, so you get to learn by repetition without the consideration of a real opponent who may hit it in a way that you are not used to yet.
I think it relates to social media / blogging reciprocation in that if you, say, read posts by a particular author, in the beginning you may not have enough expertise to feel like you can engage in a conversation. But after you read them for awhile, you get to know their style, their interests, and at that point if you should engage in conversation with them you’ll be comfortable and on a similar page. I hope that (sort of) makes sense.
.-= From Kristi@Blogging Tips to you: On Writing for the Web =-.
While studying marketing in college, my professors taught about reciprocity and it’s use in marketing. However, I agree with you. Not *everything* you do should be because you want something in return. Granted we are in the game of business and yes who doesn’t want to increase business? But sometimes increasing business comes not because of reciprocity but because of relationships that were formed from helping people.
Twitter: kikolani
May 7, 2010 at 1:19 PM
Very well stated. I think that, as Dave says below, there are a lot of other ways to work with others besides just reciprocating comment for comment, tweet for tweet. Thanks for your input!
.-= From Kristi@Blogging Tips to you: On Writing for the Web =-.
My system:
1. Give without expecting reciprocation.
2. People that attract my attention get my attention.
I have a great group of readers, many of whom I collaborate with in one form or another. Among collaborators, we don’t worry about reciprocating, we’re busy supporting each other in more important ways.
Often, I’ll read and comment on blogs that are very low traffic, when the quality is very good and I have a sense that the author is in the game for real. Bring people into the fold as it were.
.-= From Dave Doolin to you: How To Unlaunch Your Ebook =-.
Twitter: kikolani
May 6, 2010 at 3:42 PM
That’s the best way to go. Some people don’t realize that the “reciprocation” may come later in the future – one day you say or do something selfless that will earn the attention and reaction from others. Or they might see you interacting with someone who on the surface doesn’t seem to be responding, but behind the scenes is collaborating with you, as you said. Great system!
.-= From Kristi@Blogging Tips to you: On Writing for the Web =-.
Twitter: DannyBrown
May 7, 2010 at 11:46 PM
Couldn’t agree more, Dave. If you’re looking for reciprocation right off the bat because you’ve just shared something by someone, it’s kinda sleazy of you ask me.
Like you say, share because you like. If you have stuff that people like, they’ll share it soon enough.
.-= From Danny Brown to you: 17 WordPress Plug-Ins To Help Improve Your Blog Experience =-.
This is good advice and helps to build character in the social media community. It can be difficult to hold in proper tension the two values of value added and ROI, but it is doable. Most of us, like this blog owner, are in this to build business, ours or someone’s. There’s nothing wrong with that. We have to try to add value with our participation and do our best to get noticed, build reputation, link, etc… Rather than expecting reciprocation, I’m following more of a “pay it forward” strategy. Thanks for helping the community mature.
.-= From bill to you: I’m A Libertarian =-.
Twitter: kikolani
May 7, 2010 at 1:25 PM
Pay it forward is definitely a good strategy, and eventually will come full circle in ways you may not even expect in the beginning!
.-= From Kristi@Blogging Tips to you: On Writing for the Web =-.
Twitter: kikolani
May 6, 2010 at 3:37 PM
I think you can do things, like blog commenting, and have that alone be your motivation to update without expecting the reciprocation. In the beginning, you may not have many people follow you back, but when someone does, you will be confident that your blog is always up to date for when that day comes and that it will be something people will respond to not just to reciprocate, but because your content inspired them to do so.
.-= From Kristi@Blogging Tips to you: On Writing for the Web =-.
Great post Kristi! I think people often start out seeking approval and looking for acknowledgment when it comes to social media… and then when it’s not as forthcoming as they expected, they stop doing the things they are doing.
But if you’re doing them for the wrong reasons then of course you can expect some pretty poor results. It’s the same as in giving in real life… if you give someone something expecting something in return, that’s not really giving from the true spirit of it. God say’s we should give cheerfully!
When you begin to do that you’ll begin to see that you’ll be gifted cheerfully by others in unexpected ways as well.
Warm regards,
C
Twitter: kikolani
May 7, 2010 at 1:22 PM
Exactly. One great example of that is I have been retweeting articles from some big names that you know will almost never notice (because they’re getting hundreds to thousands of retweets). So I could be offended that they never notice and stop retweeting them (even though they are great articles). But then I would have missed out on someone else retweeting me retweeting them and then getting picked up by many others through that avenue. So there are rewards of doing what is right for your followers in sharing great articles, regardless if the original author ever notices – because your followers will!
.-= From Kristi@Blogging Tips to you: On Writing for the Web =-.
I don’t have a lot going on at my corporate blog, so taking the time to reply is usually no big deal. I’d like to form more relationships, but we’ve actually toned down our blogging efforts significantly (as we’re focused on other strategies for now).
.-= From Gomez to you: Of socks and windshields =-.
Twitter: kikolani
May 10, 2010 at 11:44 AM
It’s easy to get back to everyone in the beginning, but the more popular your blog / social networking profiles become, the harder it becomes due to the amount of response you are receiving. So staying smaller is nice if you want to keep in touch with everyone, but at the same time, most people would like to grow.
Oh! I have to write that again – A database connection error Ari.
I personally not a big fan of Reciprocation. I love to get thing which come genuinely. I never help someone in expect of a return. I retweet valuable article(in my view) everyday and most of the time I actually don’t know the writer, even don’t follow them. I don’t have a big follow list at all. Good to see your guest article here Kristi.
.-= From Arafat Hossain Piyada to you: 4 Working tools to check PageRank of all inner pages of websites or domains =-.
Twitter: kikolani
May 10, 2010 at 11:45 AM
Thanks! I agree – I would rather see someone tweet my article and hope they did it just because they found the article valuable, as opposed to wondering if they did it just to get something in return.
.-= From Kristi@Blogging Tips to you: Fetching Friday – Resources Mashup & Hong Kong Time Lapse =-.
I NEVER expect anything in return, and I NEVER reciprocate. It would be a disservice to my followers and readers. I tweet out stuff I like, I comment when I feel moved, and I say thanks when I have time to. PERIOD.
Sometimes I really try to tweet out articles of new bloggers that have commented on my site, and I probably would have never known who they were had they not commented, I guess that is a form of reciprocation. But, I don’t share if it isn’t worth sharing…
.-= From Keith @ Blog Tips to you: Dominate The Web With Your Brand =-.
Is “never” the correct word, Keith? If Kristi or anyone else references you by name or link in a blog post, you wouldn’t thank the person? Ever?
Maybe I mis-spoke, I meant I never expect comments for comments, or tweets for tweets. I do always try to say Thank you. It is part of my southern charm
.-= From Keith to you: Social Media Mondays: Episode 2 =-.
Twitter: kikolani
May 12, 2010 at 5:16 PM
Southern? I’m from MS… it’s been over a decade since I’ve lived there though, so my southern charm detector was obviously off because I missed that you are from the south. I traveled to your state once for the High Point furniture market. Anyway, hi from a fellow (ex) southerner!
.-= From Kristi@Blogging Tips to you: How to Sound Like You Know What You’re Blogging About =-.
Reciprocating online is a challenge for a successful blogger, but something that is still important … or at least it used to be. Years ago I had a site that received 500,000 uniques per month (which at the time was a lot). I still made an effort to comment on 10 sites every day if it was a good article, and many of those were on small blogs and other sites where the author was thrilled to have a “big blogger” comment. 1 year of doing so netted a few extra thousand backlinks, and many ardent supporters … which was definitely more than worth it.
.-= From Josh to you: Payce launches new website =-.
Twitter: kikolani
May 10, 2010 at 4:43 PM
I definitely try to make the time to go out and visit other blogs as well, and it definitely does have its rewards. I don’t think of it anymore as reciprocating – I visit the blogs that look intriguing based on what the commenter had to say or the article title in their CommentLuv link. I’d like to think that makes it more important for the blogger – I didn’t come to their site just because they came to mine, but I came because the content was attractive.
.-= From Kristi@Blogging Tips to you: Fetching Friday – Resources Mashup & Hong Kong Time Lapse =-.
Whew! Just what I have been struggling with lately. I get absolutely overwhelmed with what seems like my responsibility to read everyone’s blog, comment thoughtfully and positively, and tweet and retweet about them. I also enjoy doing this, but some days, I sit down in front of a particularly long winded and sensitive blog, and I the words swim in front of my eyes. I have to tell myself that I can leave at least one blog in the world unread and commented upon, but then I lose sleep, thinking that THAT is the blogger who will come to my blog, love it, and forward it on to his/her 50 million followers. My eyes start to ache, and I get a headache, and then I am tempted to eat chocolate. Is there a happy medium? I need some reassurance! molly
.-= From molly campbell to you: MAY AND DECEMBER =-.
Twitter: kikolani
May 10, 2010 at 4:46 PM
I had that struggle as well until it came to a point that I wasn’t writing articles for my site just because I was running around a bunch of other sites. At that stage, you have to look at it in the aspect that the readers who love your site will not have anything to look forward to because you got burnt out trying to be everywhere else.
.-= From Kristi@Blogging Tips to you: Fetching Friday – Resources Mashup & Hong Kong Time Lapse =-.
I think this was a great post. I doubt I will ever have to worry about reciprocation but if I every do I will keep your post in mind. Heck, my blogs are boring and my tweets are marginally worth reading at best but I have fun being “out there” and so I do my thing and if anyone enjoys it I get excited and if they don’t, well, I am still having fun.
I guess I do tend to follow people who follow me on Twitter but most of the time I check them out first. If they aren’t people I would be comfortable in sharing with my tweeps I may not follow them and may even block them, so I guess I do have a little of the reciprocation thing going on.
Thanks again for the post.
Ciao!
Twitter: kikolani
May 10, 2010 at 4:47 PM
That’s a good way to approach Twitter, otherwise you just end up following people who do nothing but clutter up your news feed with things you are not interested in, which diminishes the value of Twitter for yourself.
.-= From Kristi@Blogging Tips to you: Fetching Friday – Resources Mashup & Hong Kong Time Lapse =-.
There is a flip-side to the discussion, however. Blogging, in my view, is not a platform for one person to lay out all their thoughts, ideas, and to promote themselves solely. That would be a website. A blog is built for interaction. When I find a new blog and leave comments… if I leave 6 or 7 comments over a week or two, say, and they’ve never come to read what I’m talking about, it starts to feel one-sided. When I go to a new blog, I think I’m looking for connection more than just articles and information. (I don’t expect 1:1 comments, because I know not every post I write is interesting to every reader, but a hello is always welcome.)
The exceptions to this are the few blogs that are just so darned entertaining that I wouldn’t miss them (like hyperbole and a half or cakewrecks) or the few celebrities whose blogs I follow (like Stephen Fry or Scott Adams). Of course, I don’t usually leave comments there. I just read, enjoy, and know they’re happy and content with the traffic, exposure, and the hundreds of comments they’ve already received.
Twitter is another matter. I retweet things I find useful or funny, and don’t expect anything in return. I sometimes feel a twinge of guilt when I receive a lot of follow-friday mentions, but I don’t like to overwhelm my followers with list after list after list of @mentions and now there’s also writer-wednesday … in fact there’s one of these memes for every day of the week! So, I usually thank people and hope that’s enough.
Also, I don’t automatically follow people on Twitter. I have far too many people follow me and then never so much as say boo to me. I will almost always follow someone who leaves me a @mention though.
And with the advent of Twitter lists, I find that there are quite a few people who have me on a Twitter list, but they don’t actually follow me. I also use Twitter lists in a similar manner, for people whose tweets I want to see, but we aren’t really very interactive (like industry folks).
So, yes, I do see your point. Expect nothing and you won’t be disappointed.
But I always try to keep in mind the time and effort it takes to write a comment on my blog, and if someone gives me a few moments of their time, I do make an effort to acknowledge it.
.-= From India Drummond to you: Stalk Me – And Bring Donuts =-.
Twitter: kikolani
May 10, 2010 at 4:56 PM
A blog is definitely built for interaction. But the interaction can stay within the one site, such as my responding to comments on my posts, but not necessarily going to the commenters’ blog and commenting there. Also, just leaving comments open allows for interaction between readers – I have had several posts where the commenters replied back and forth to each other, answering each other’s questions without need for me to step in at all.
Also, I think interaction can happen without any actual contact being made. Like I could read my blog post comments or follow a group of people on Twitter, see that there is a general consensus of confusion over a specific topic, and then the next week write about that topic to try to help clear things up. I am connecting with my readers, even though they don’t see the “evidence” within their own site.
The other issue (besides time) that I ran into with trying to go comment on blog posts my commenters had written was subject matter. I had a commenter who visited my blog and commented on every new post – and his blog was on Forex, something I know very little about. So do I make a somewhat meaningless comment that really does nothing to encourage further discussion, the kind of comments that are often regarded by bloggers as spam such as the infamous “great post” even though I don’t have a clue what their post was about? Or do I leave it alone?
I like to think that the interaction factor sometimes happens behind the scenes, or that at the very least, my blog offers enough good, meaningful content that the information alone makes it worth it for people visit and comment.
.-= From Kristi@Blogging Tips to you: Fetching Friday – Resources Mashup & Hong Kong Time Lapse =-.
Never give with the forethought of receiving in any circumstance, online or off.
I just rejoined twitter and already have more then one post drafted; who I will and won’t follow and why….far too many people are selfish and have no clue how the world works.
.-= From Dennis Edell @ Direct Sales Marketing to you: A TRUE Make Money Online blog – Part 2 – Choose My Domain Name =-.
Twitter: kikolani
May 10, 2010 at 4:59 PM
Looking forward to hearing your thoughts. One thing about reciprocal following that I do believe in as far as Twitter goes is the ability to DM. There have been several people I followed for ages on Twitter, and I needed to contact privately, but couldn’t simply because they were not following me. Blurting out “@you Hey I think your site is down” seems a bit rude in public, but it’s the only avenue left if I have no other way to contact them. For that reason, I like following people who follow me – I know it gives them a direct line of contact if needed without having to leave Twitter.
.-= From Kristi@Blogging Tips to you: Fetching Friday – Resources Mashup & Hong Kong Time Lapse =-.
I try to reciprocate to some extent, but I only retweet content if I think it will provide value to my followers. I don’t think it’s fair when I constantly RT someone’s stuff and engage them in conversation but they don’t follow me or back or pay attention to anything I say (if they are people that don’t have large followings). I think it’s common courtesy. On the other hand, I understand that people with thousands of followers simply can’t do it, and that doesn’t stop me from promoting their stuff if I think it’s good. Great post!
.-= From Kathleen O’Connor to you: Friday Link Lounge =-.
Twitter: kikolani
May 11, 2010 at 3:45 PM
Thanks! I sometimes think that people would start complaining if larger Twitter users started thanking all of their retweets, as their entire first page of tweets would end up being Thanks @ @ @ @ @ @.
.-= From Kristi@Blogging Tips to you: How to Sound Like You Know What You’re Blogging About =-.
I don’t want to overthink things when it comes to reciprocating. I think that you’ll just know when to reciprocate the favor.
Twitter: kikolani
May 11, 2010 at 3:46 PM
There are certain times when acknowledging a favor is definitely warranted. Would it be a matter of the influential power of the person who did the favor?
.-= From Kristi@Blogging Tips to you: How to Sound Like You Know What You’re Blogging About =-.
Much has been said already and it was nice to know everyone’s thought about this topic. For me, reciprocation always has its rewards however it may also have setbacks when not properly managed. It’s always good to acknowledge and give thanks, I value that highly.
Our values should always come first and not our motives. It’s going to be frustrating if we’re always asking in return for what we’ve done for others.
If that person can’t reciprocate, there’s ONE ABOVE that will reciprocate in their behalf. It’s always better to give than to receive.
.-= From Mathdelane @Software Critics to you: Malware on iTunes Gift Certificate Email Notices =-.
Twitter: kikolani
May 11, 2010 at 3:47 PM
Definitely! Giving gives you a good feeling all around, and shows others that you are not just in it for yourself or some kind of reward.
.-= From Kristi@Blogging Tips to you: How to Sound Like You Know What You’re Blogging About =-.
Twitter: DavidBennett
May 21, 2010 at 3:56 PM
Having arrived here on a puzzle hunt, Ari, I am pleased to find Kristi here.
I find that as in life in 3-D, there are people in social media who appreciate what I have to say and contribute, and there are people who I appreciate for what they contribute and say.
I appreciate:
1. Good links to useful info
2. Humor (humour)
3. See 2.
.-= From David to you: Bluebells At War =-.
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