ARI HERZOG

My Personal Blog

Clean Your Social Connections

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If you don’t trust a person in your social network, why are you connected?

If you don’t respect, like, or (gasp!) know the person, why are you connected?

Scrolling through my LinkedIn news feed (similar to Facebook’s, showing what my connections are liking, commenting, sharing, and updating), I recognized a while ago that I didn’t know a lot of names.

I’m partially to blame. For years I openly connected with people who shared geographic, demographic, or psychographic interests. It takes two to approve a relationship — but I initiated a lot of them. Maybe we networked at an event. Maybe we exchanged business cards. Maybe we commented on the same blogs. Maybe we shared blogging advice. Maybe we were friends of friends.

Hi, we live in the same zip code, let’s connect!
Hi, we work in the same industry, let’s connect!
Hi, we both reacted the same way, let’s connect!

Here’s the rub. If I don’t know you or don’t remember why we connected in the first place, how can I accurately talk to someone on your behalf when you ask me for a referral? How can you do the same for me? To be blunt: Who are you? (Or: Who am I to you?)

I suggest you only connect to people who make you smile.

“The objective of cleaning is not just to clean, but to feel happiness living within that environment.” – Marie Kondo

I suggest the following actions on the top three social networks.

On LinkedIn: Remove connections with anyone you don’t recognize.

If I ask for a referral to one of your connections and either you don’t know me well enough or don’t know that person well enough, remove one or both of us.

Tip: Start with the newsfeed. If you don’t recognize someone’s name, click to their profile and peruse their job and recent experience. If you think their experience can be helpful to you, send them a short message to say hello. On the other hand, if you think their experience is irrelevant to your life and future motivations, smile and let the person go.

If you let go, go back to their profile and click the link to view mutual connections. Chances are, you might want to let some of them go too.

P.S. Edit your privacy setting to not display your name before visiting someone’s profile that you might remove. Otherwise you might get a message from someone who suddenly realizes you’re not connected.

On Facebook: Unfollow your noisy friends. You know who they are. You can remain friends but unfollowing empowers you to control your newsfeed and maintain your sanity.

Be wary if you unfriend someone. I used to suggest that action but I find that unfollowing (or 30-day snoozing) is more effective in 2020.

Tip: Dive into your friend list. The newsfeed is algorithm-oriented so you won’t see everyone. If you unfollow someone, click the link to see mutual friends. Chances are, if you unfollow one, you’ll probably unfollow the others. Smile and let go.

On Twitter: Unfollow everyone. Then follow a select few.

It’s the only way to do it properly.

I currently follow 194 people and organizations — including actress Mira Sorvino, musician MC Hammer, author Sarah Granger, CBS correspondent David Pogue, NY Times staffer Rubina Fillion, and former Obama deputy press secretary Bill Burton. Oh, and each of them follows me. I’ve engaged in countless conversations with all of them.

Create lists. One list could be for people in your geography. Another list could be for people who work in an industry. For instance, here’s a list of mine featuring people who make me go hmm.

That’s a public list but you can also create private lists that only you can see. I have a bunch of those too.

Tip: If you don’t want to unfollow everyone, then unfollow selectively. It’s okay to let go. You can always refollow.

If a relationship doesn’t exist, there’s nothing to let go. Accept the past for the past.

P.S. I previously wrote a version of this blog post in 2017. I removed a lot of text, edited the rest, and kept the same URL. Enjoy, and be safe.

The 4 Social Networks I Use Most

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It’s a constant struggle for me to find signals in a sea of social media noise.

The coronavirus crisis throws a giant obstacle into my social following strategies because of two reasons:

First, I don’t want to tune out people who I care about but I also don’t want my newsfeed filled with politics and sensationalism. I respect that my connections want to share that stuff but — similar to the irrelevant or repetitive advertising that appear in the newsfeed — I don’t want to see it. People who do share political etc. posts once in a while are easy to ignore. People who do it all the time are unfollowed. We can stay connected but they’re muted. My mental sanity takes priority.

Second, I’m using mobile devices (mostly my phone) for social media consumption much more than my MacBook despite its larger screen. This forces me to maximize my productivity on each site to see what I want to see without the fluff of anything else taking up that screen real estate.

Here are the 4 social media networks I’m using the most in 2020:

LinkedIn is very useful for my job search. I’m actively networking for a full-time position as an English (or English language arts) teacher. I’m certified to teach the subject to grades 5-12 in Massachusetts. I don’t know when or if schools will physically reopen this coming school year. I don’t know whether I’d be needed in a physical classroom or to teach virtually. Regardless, I’m using the site to strategically connect with people who can help in my search.

Twitter is useful for me to follow themes and interests through curated lists. For instance, here’s a list I created of epidemiologists, biostatisticians, and other COVID-19 experts. I use Twitter to share resources, collaborate, and chit-chat. I previously shared my Twitter usage philosophy.

Instagram is Facebook-owned and photography-focused. I occasionally share videos but I mostly use the account to tell stories through pictures. Maybe it’s a place where I walked or a food that I cooked. But unlike Facebook where I am explicit who I befriend, on Instagram I’m more apt to follow celebrities and strangers. If I frequently share a hashtag with someone else, and I like that other person’s photos and captions, I’ll follow.

Facebook is listed fourth because of my ongoing love-hate relationship. I’m constantly pondering about taking a sabbatical. But there’s valuable content in the groups. I belong to some teaching groups, nerdy groups, and food groups. I manage a few groups including one to talk about the coronavirus crisis without politics or sensationalism.

I’m minimally present on Reddit, Goodreads, Yelp, and a couple other sites with a social component. But I’m mostly there for the news, books, and restaurants, respectively.

Connect to People You Know

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That’s the philosophy of Christina Milanowski in a LinkedIn conversation about why people connect with each other on social media sites.

She elaborates why she connects with people: “My rule of thumb [on LinkedIn] is that I’ve met them in person or connected with them in the past and I could remember how if asked,” adding that her Facebook friendship strategy is if she’d recognize the person on the street and say hi.

Online friendship is simple: If you know a person, invite him, her, or it to connect to you online. From there, the relationship can continue.

Why LinkedIn Throttles My Searches

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LinkedIn Logo.
[Image from Esther Vargas]
LinkedIn’s mission is to “connect the world’s professionals to make them more productive and successful.”

I joined LinkedIn on February 23, 2007 after reading reports of the business networking site reaching 10 million users (which it achieved in April).

I was in my final semester of graduate school and hoped the site could connect me with classmates and professors. Moreover, I knew I’d be laid off in the coming months but I didn’t know when. That occurred in May. I then used the site to contact connections to tell them about my layoff and degree, and to inquire how and if they could help me get hired.

Fast forward and LinkedIn continues to help me search and research people who share geographic, demographic, and psychographic interests — and who may be interested in linking their networks with mine.

However, because I have a free account, my searches constantly get throttled every month or so due to the commercial use limit.

This is an algorithm that prevents me from conducting additional searches unless I wait until the month ends or I choose to pay for access.

Here’s the fine print:

The commercial use limit is based on your search activity since the start of the current calendar month. It takes into account (but is not limited to) non-name searches, mobile searches, searches outside your network, frequency of searching, viewing suggested profiles, and other factors.

Members reaching this commercial limit would benefit from a subscription specifically designed to help them find quality potential candidates and sales prospects.

Note that the company suggests I purchase a paid plan as if I worked in recruiting or sales. I’m neither. I’m searching for a job. When I discover potential opportunities, I use LinkedIn to search for hiring managers at those companies, search for people in and out of my network who work at those companies, and search for people to connect.

I’m using LinkedIn in support of their mission. I’m connecting to professionals to improve my and their productivity and to achieve success.

But… how productive is it for a job seeker to pay $60 a month for ONLY unlimited searching? I don’t care about the other paid plan features, which is why I have a free account.

While the company has a “career plan” for $30 a month, that is not privy to the unlimited search. The lowest paid plan that allows that search is the “business plan” that costs $48 a month if billed annually, or $60 a month if billed every month. What job seeker would prepay a year?

Paying for LinkedIn Premium has its supporters and opponents.

I recognize the rationale for a premium plan. But if LinkedIn’s mission is to connect to people (who one may or may not know), then shouldn’t the act of finding those connections be free? Or, emulate web hosting companies and charge a reasonable monthly fee for data transfer.

In the meantime, I’ll continue to use the site the way I’ve been using it for years; and I’ll continue to hit those sporadic monthly limits in my quest to be productive and successful.

You and Your Online Friends

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If you think about your friends — not the Facebook ones but the real offline friends who you talk to and see on a regular basis — they’re all the same. They mirror you socially, geographically, demographically, vocationally, politically, and intellectually. And the best of them are your clones.

If you think about former classmates, ex-coworkers, old flames, people living on your street, and other people you’ve met but never moved beyond acquaintances, when was the last time you asked them for advice or shared something new about your life? Because these weak and absent ties don’t mirror you and your strong ties aka besties, wouldn’t you welcome their insights?

The ties that bind us.

 

I recently wrote about weak ties and the importance of connecting with people who either you don’t know well or don’t know at all. This applies to traditional networking and social media. It’s more important online, though.

The fallacy is of the three big networking sites, Facebook and LinkedIn frown on connecting with weak ties; whereas Twitter is OK with it.

  • Facebook says …you should only send friend requests to people you have a real-life connection to, like your friends, family, coworkers or classmates.
  • LinkedIn says …the basic type of connection is a contact you know personally and who you trust on a professional level.
  • Twitter says …”people you may know” are based on an algorithm that makes personalized suggestions for you.

If you adhere to Twitter’s philosophy then you should befriend people on Facebook and connect to people on LinkedIn regardless how well you know them. This is important because if you limit your online relations to strong ties, you’re saying fuck you to everyone else. Don’t be that person.

Unfriend, Defriend, Kill Your Friend

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Here is an infographic from 2011 on why we want Facebook friendships and when we want to unfriend them.

Studies from the Pew Research Center and the New York Times indicate the typical American has 245 Facebook friends and knows 600 people both on and off the social network. In other words, if you’re a typical American, 355 of your peeps don’t use Facebook.

I have a lot of friends who prefer the offline life. I don’t mean they have accounts and don’t use them (though I know people in this category) but they don’t have accounts at all. They never did and they don’t want to join.

I once met a woman who works in marketing but cannot be found on Google. Sarah isn’t on Facebook, doesn’t tweet, shares nothing but her name and title on LinkedIn, and search engine results for her name (minus that LinkedIn link) are for someone who shares her name. She’s OK that nobody can find her. If you know Sarah, there are offline methods to contact her. If you’re googling for her name, you clearly don’t know her at all. And that’s how she wants it.

When did it become normal to befriend people you don’t know?

I’m not specifying Facebook. How many phone numbers do you have of those you follow on Twitter? How many email addresses do you keep of your LinkedIn connections? If you’ve never called or emailed a person, how do you qualify being connected to the person? What does it mean to be connected? Facebook fucked up the definition of a friend — and if you remove Facebook from your life, your friends are probably not the people you see in that newsfeed.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not implying the telephone or the electronic mail address is the holy grail — but if you remove yourself from social networking sites, if you accept that the best Facebook friends are strong ties and the best connections everywhere else online are weak and absent ties; in other words, if you’re not findable in a place, then wouldn’t it be the phone and the email and the stamp and the physical door knock that connect you to the people you care about, the people you trust, and the people who want to be around you?

Look at me.

If you follow my digital personas but never interact through comments, tweets, posts, pokes, whatever, I’m hardly your friend. I’m just some guy you’re following and you are free to decouple the relationship at any time. Many of you gained insights from my blogging and followed me on Twitter and Facebook, and invited me to join you on LinkedIn. I usually said yes — especially on LinkedIn.

But, as Phil Gerbyshak suggests, if you’ve never interacted with me since that first contact on LinkedIn (or any other social networking site), you owe it to yourself to send a message saying hello. If you don’t or can’t then remove the connection. Kill your online relationship. Set yourself free. Because neither LinkedIn nor Facebook tell me if you unfriend me, I’ll never know about it unless I happen to randomly visit your profile and see we’re now two or three degrees apart.

I don’t suggest killing me off if we frequently comment, like, or share each other’s updates. But if there’s been zero interaction since whenever we became online friends, take control now and unfriend us.

Once you understand unfriending and accept that others are doing it, you owe it to yourself to join them.

P.S. Here’s a primer to my social networking dashboard. If you want to connect with me somewhere but not everywhere, use this as a guide.