Twitter bios are fascinating to read. Everyone has one. Each biography has a limit of 160 characters.
Sometimes, I use keywords from the bio to compose an icebreaker introduction. Other times, especially if I’m familiar with the person’s tweets, I visit the bio to see if we share anything in common — or if it changed.
I want to introduce you to some of the world’s quirkiest bios. The word choices and clauses stick out. They’re memorable in their own ways.
I discovered most of them by chance. Some of these people are Hollywood actors, others are news journalists, others might stand behind you in Starbucks. Each bio belongs to a real person. Except the bear.
Each username (beginning with an @ sign) is a link to a Twitter stream…
1. Gracie Dzienny, @graciedzienny: these things stress me out, man. *insert something universally funny here*
2. Andrew Conley, @basedconley: Allow myself to introduce myself
3. A bear, @A_single_bear: Hello, I am a bear.
4. MP Rekola, @mprekola: Former Obtainer of Rare Antiquities. Current Obtainer of Rare Experiences.
5. Scott Reber, @reberscott: I want to be a Rennaissance Man, a Rennaissance Man, oh and a Rennaissance Man.
6. Lauren Duca, @laurenduca: Award-winning & -losing freelance journalist!!! Tweets are my own and do not reflect the views of Clay Aiken.
7. David Rothstein, @thedrnews: News Desk Editor at FOX 25 News in Boston. All of my Tweets reflect the views of my employer(s), and retweets are full endorsements (NOTE: That is not true).
8. Ariel Kaminer, @arielkaminer: BuzzFeed News Senior Investigations Editor. Footnote enthusiast, end-note skeptic. Not great posture but it’s negotiable.
9. Kathryn Stockwood, @kamazonia: I am a Basset Hound aficionado with a mouth as dirty as a Syphilitic sailor’s. I earn my keep as a Writer, Senior Story Editor-Producer and Mom. Yup.
10. Hilary Hughes, @hilmonstah: Rhymes with @MTVNews.
11. Hanna Rosin, @hannarosin: Co-host of NPR’s Invisibilia. I wrote the book THE END OF MEN, and yet they are still here.
12. Gilbert Gottfried, @realgilbert: Mr. Gottfried served 8 years in prison for beating up an Eskimo.
13. Saucisson Sec, @saucissonsec: The wages of slatternliness is cats.
14. Tyler, @tylerlclark: I’m not smart. I just wear glasses. I tweet about TV, music, Indianapolis, the Chicago Cubs, religion and politics. Stay positive.
15. Meredith Shiner, @meredithshiner: I’m not a Facebooker, I just tweet a lot. Making the sidepony great again since 1988.
16. Ben Greene, @bengreene: Yet another technical startup founder.
17. Anthony Deaver, @anthonydeaver: Ich bein Nerd!
18. Wil Wheaton, @wilw: Wizard. Time Lord. Fake geek girl. On a good day I am charming as fuck.
19. Mathew Ingram, @mathewi: I’m a senior writer at Fortune. I have been the ninth caller and have won the weekend passes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love and an outlaw in Peru.
20. Sally Canfield, @thelifeofsally: Do you ever leave politics? Fmr @marcorubio Dep CoS. Now Int’l Woman of Mystery. I’ll travel anywhere & probably have. But my views are my own. Seriously.
21. Eric B., @ericbrookfield: DJ/Model/Ecoterrorist
22. Sarah Welstead, @sarahwelstead: Good marketing can solve 90% of your problems. Procrastination will take care of the rest.